-How do you spell indicted?

I-N-D-I-T-E-D.

-I think there’s a c in there.

Fine, he’ll be in-dickted soon.

I don’t have a ya-hoe account.”

-I think it’s pronounced ya-who.

I think my computer came from the short truck

I used to get birthday checks from my grandma. 

You should go on tweeter about it.  Is it tweeter or twitter?

Early bird, Free bird, Blue bird, whatever you said…

That hussy’s on the phone.

-Which one?

Joe

I feel like I owe this copier dinner now.

I’m going to marry Kenny Chesney, as long as he doesn’t find out I’m stalking him.

Seriously, there’s a black cloud just over this office.  You can see it on weather.com.

I’ve never thrown up on myself!

The kitchen smells like Boca-hell.

I almost got locked in the tanning bed once.

Have you ever googled yourself?

-Yeah, it brought up a porn site.

Sweet, I hope it brings up one for me too.

I just ran into the wall but I’m okay now.

It was good times, I almost took a face plant on the stairs.

How do you spell that?

-The first name or the last name?

I’m going to go with both.

The half bald mullet guy may be hot up close.

I got scared by the statue.

Has my hair looked like this all day?

-I thought that was the look you were going for.

He only lets me drive his car around because he’s ashamed, very , very ashamed.

So if you get a phone call at 1 am, both us got into a bar fight and need bail.  Can we both have the same lawyer?

I went to college and can’t figure out how to play this video on youtube.

Did my wife “friend” you on Facebook?

My head is 10 feet tall.   Kill me now.

Sometimes salsa can be sexy.

I just scanned 10 pages and they’re blank. Oh wait you have to put them facedown, - stupid picture guides

After your story, I just felt really awkward and needed a shower.

Awesome, I spent my lunch sexting my ex-boyfriend.

This computer is lame, I can’t hear anything.
-It needs speakers.

I got locked in the closet then I just didn’t want to come out and have it be all weird.

I love this song. I wish I was Britney Spears.

-So you can be crazy?

Post-crazy.

1984 called, it wants it’s typewriter back.

We’ll call him LD and BC. You know too much about my personal life when you know abbreviations for dumbasses I’ve dated.

This coffee is great, I was getting concerned there wasn’t enough hair on my chest.

Okay we really need to stop talking about infections and horses.

Why were you under my desk?

Can I take a message?

-He’ll know who I am

Can I ask what it’s in regards to?

-He’ll know

Is there anything I can actually write down?

Is there almonds in your oatmeal? Yum.

-It tastes like almond paste.

Why does my White-out keep breaking?

-I think it’s user-error.

I am a typewriter expert!

-So was my grandma.

I can’t stand by him anyways.  He’s so man-pretty its making me look bad.

-So I’m a dog?

No, you’re pretty too.

-Don’t try and make me feel better now.  It’s too late.

Who the hell steals coffee grounds?

We need a fire-pole instead of stairs.

I learned from watching Shakira over and over again.

-Did you just keep hitting the rewind button?

I’m not going to tell them that.

I can’t. I have to baby-sit the Pepsi Guy.

We can’t go back to the bank.  It turns out they can hear everything you say with the window down.

Are you talking about fish tacos again?

The food looks plastic.

-It is plastic.

Doesn’t mean it has to look like it.

At least you’d be someone’s bitch, it’s pretty much my job title.

So you can’t play golf in heels, but you can play naked?  Stupid golf rules.

I’m the master of running in 5 inch stilettos.

My grandma doesn’t even eat lunch at eleven.

That is completely inappropriate to do in a hot tub.

Why does he keep calling?

-He’s our client.

Or a creeper

Thanks for the visual, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit and I have to poke my eyes out with a pen now.

You should get letter-opener lessons.

Who brought you to work?

-Isn’t my walk of shame enough?

You’re like a revolving taxi service.

-I never said I was proud of it.

What is LMAO?

-Laughing my ass off.

Ha ha, I just can’t keep up with this stuff.

-Wait until you hear about the IPOD, it’ll blow your mind.

Don’t laugh at me because my car is handi-capped.

He’s such a fiduciary.

If she doesn’t call me back, I’m going to ride her ass like I’m getting paid for it.

Was that TMI?

-Yeah…

I don’t care.

I can’t wait to go home and get trashed.